I’m not that.
I’m not the frustrated one.
I know because I’m watching her.
Every night she awakens with incredible restlessness in her legs.
Always for hours, sometimes til dawn.
It’s been five, maybe more years of this.
And I wasn’t always watching.
I used to rail against her.
Plead her departure.
Now, I listen.
And it’s so hard.
Some nights I can’t listen.
The restlessness far too intense to meet with any assembly of softness.
But the nightly perspectives are heading to the thousands.
And the measured space surrounding the angst, growing.
I feel I’m on the brink of being able to greet all of it.
Simultaneously dropping into the purest of sadness.
Days + waves of salty eyelashes.
The surplus of energy out equals a weightlessness I’ve forgotten.
We’re not that.
We’re not the frustrated ones.
It’s simply how our hearts protected us from the fear of arriving here.
We’ve created an acutely vexed persona as our Earth shield.
And a life experience to match.
We play out the wan’t/can’t story to keep us irritated.
We feed our livers with sugar, alcohol, caffeine, etc to keep them hot + bothered.
We develop a personality overlay that holds a matrix of connections making us believe in our frustration.
But don’t believe it.
Next time you find yourself holding angst of any shade or color, ask it what it needs.
Each time you will collect a new perspective.
Creating the measured space requirements.
To meet the fear of here.
Trust the time it will take.
The time is preparing us to encounter our true reflection.
And we’ve gota be ready for it.
Or we won’t believe how truly beautiful we are.
And we won’t be prepared for what’s next :: Our Mission.
XO – Kate