Weekly Share

THE SAFEST PLACE

8PM, one night last week.

(I can’t remember which.

The past few have blurred together in a wave-after-wave way.)

Following dinner, I crept downstairs…

…turned on ambient Pandora, lit candles, closed the door + waited.

There was another wave to feel.

So I leaned in.

Will came down thirty minutes later.

He opened the door just a crack.

Enough to see my tears.

Comedically looking around, he demanded ‘who was in here and what did he do!?’

‘Nobody’, I cry-chuckled. ‘I’m just so tired of feeling.’

Wrapping his arms around me he responded, ‘You’re not a tree yet’.

Of course this opened up a floodgate for more tears.

Goodness gracious, I’m a human.

A human who’s learning to breathe under water.

It’s been days since I’ve come up for air.

Days without clarity.

Storylines have trickled in.

But nothing alleviating.

Nothing true in totality.

Only aspects.

Aspects that I’ve wanted to make total so I could be done with feeling.

These time-released emotions are requiring a new kind of endurance.

A fortitude to stay in my body longer.

To sink so far in that I no longer care to seek safety in clarity.

Not just clarity, but all the ways I reflexively seek it.

In my relationship with food…

And the way I pursue health as a shield from illness.

In my relationship with Will…

And the way I lean into him for protection from the world.

Shit.  

Here goes another layer of what my mind believes is safe.

And so completely ironic it is.

To have to descend so far into the human form to know this truth.

That the body IS the safest place to be.

Not because it will never get sick or die but because through the body we can {{ feel }}.

Safety doesn’t exist as a concept here.

It just is.

I just am.

Safe + connected.

But this passage to trusting my body.

And not fearfully taking care of it when in pain or constricted.

And unweaving myself from my many safety nets – family, husband, home.

Well this is the real deal.

Grateful to my lungs for signing me up for underwater swim lessons.

They remembered to make nothing more important than feeling.

And that story I wanted to make total…

Well its’ swelled to entirety.

But the clarity doesn’t so much matter.

Lucidity is able to land without shooting me to the moon.

I’m staying here with the remembrance of why I’m here.

I’m sure I’ll forgot.

But I have these words so I can remember again.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I’m aware that learning to breathe under water is not something we learn from someone else. This is an inside job.

For me consistent vibrational healing, regular Universal Health Principles sessions + a daily commitment to Franklin Method has helped me soften into deep sea swimming.

And so I’m currently trying out a new model that combines these three aspects in a 12-week (3 month) curriculum. It’s called Sensitive Homeschooling and it’s for the folks who are ready to dwell deeper in the body for longer. Those who are willing to let the connections quietly arrive while staying unhurriedly IN.

Inquire here if interested! Details coming to the masses in the next couple days. Yay!

XO, Kate

 

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