Weekly Share

HUMAN BIORHYTHM

Bi.o.rhythm / noun / ::

An attempt to predict various aspects of a persons life through simple mathematical cycles.

My biorhythms are ever more palpable.

Annual lessons which ask me to spiral closer.

Until I’ve reached that crucial distance from the re-emerging pain.

Where my heart is able to draw it in, finally.

November + December bring biorhythms of interpersonal (dis)connection.

No doubt the holidays make messy mathematical memory stores.

{for the girl who socially struggles}

So when I woke up to sheer terror last Monday, I had an inkling why.

Heaps of buried memories awakened in my system.

The resulting speed made it hard to breathe.

I yearned for grief, bubbling leagues below, to surface.

To slow me down.

But it wasn’t ready to go.

Not til’ Friday.

My God was I grateful for its arrival.

Bringing with it multiple beliefs ::

‘I don’t need people’ ‘People aren’t safe’ ‘This isn’t my home’

Tears streamed down my cheeks as ‘Kate’, as I have come to know her, shattered.

I walk around as the tree-preferring, introverted one.

But am I?

Are we as sensitives?

Or is this simply a resulting persona of deep heartache?

An outcome of our retribution – where we’ve been sanctioned to human shadow.

Have our souls chosen to incarnate with a devotion to universal love per the agreement that human love is our curriculum?

I think this to be true.

I observe the addictions I’ve created in myself.

The recurring physical ailments + fatigue.

That keep me exhausted.

So that I may stay (un)comfortable in my story of interpersonal (dis)connection.

There I’m able to hole up inside universal love.

Where I never feel lonely.

But my humanity is pleading a different gradient of love.

At this point, experiencing both simultaneously feels like the only viable way to freedom.

I want both for all of us.

For us sensitives who’ve chosen the human love curriculum and for the hardier ones who have chosen universal love as theirs.

May we learn from one another.

XOXO

-Kate

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