Weekly Share

DEFENSING TIME + SPACE

Time + Space

Defend :: [di-fend]

Verb :: To ward off attack from; guard against assault.

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I’ve been defensing time + space forever.

It’s always sorta attacked me.

Collapsing in from all angles.

The consequence, bitterness.

‘get away’    ‘not too close’    ‘only this much’    ‘I don’t have room’

A loner-ish lifestyle slightly little less assaulting than one filled with interaction.

Either way the world seeps entirely in.

Leaving me on defense.

Except for the wee hours of night.

In those darkest hours, I forfeit my position.

I used to wake up and hypnotically eat.

And eat and eat.

A dire attempt to locate myself in a warped sense of time + space.

The eating has since subsided but I still awaken.

More accurately, something awakens me.

Incredible restlessness in my legs.

Internal space that feels full.

Not mine.

Tossing me with deep frustration.

Hours on end.

For years on end.

And I’m finally cracking.

These warped walls no longer fit.

I refuse to be dissolved by the world.

I decline to let it in so damn deep that there’s no room for me.

And yet I realize I chose this.

To show up with empathic bones and sensitive cells.

I chose to be open.

What’s the line between staying open and claiming my rightful place?

The question pushes me toward the answer.

Toward another layer of acceptance.

Of who I am.

Rather what I am.

Beyond my human form.

And with this recognition comes a shifting of boundary conditions.

Of my proper place in time + space.

And a simultaneous refinement of boundary conditions in the souls I’m intertwined with.

Our infinite nature seeking one another.

The finite containers we operate within pressuring contagious growth.

It’s anything but comfortable.

As our borders shift + swell, a healthy defense is required.

One that feels different from ‘get away’ + ‘not too close’.

This defense is laced with whispers of ‘grow’ + ‘expand’.

I’m asked to match the mounting tension with discipline + focus.

To become ever more meticulous about energy in + energy out.

Because…well because.

Expansion is the mission I am on.

The mission we are on.

I see now that these boundary conditions have been waking me for years.

Decades.

Eating inside them a prerequisite.

So to was softening into their restlessness.

To ultimately accept who I am.

What I am.

And that’s quite big.

The souls colliding into me are informing me as such.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

And now I’m bumping into you, informing you of the same.

All of us sensitives, empaths, intuitives (whatever you wana call us) are quite big. Trust me. If you share a resounding bitterness of time + space collapsing in on you, it’s time to spread out. To find your room. Don’t try and get rid of bitterness. Use it. It’s light alchemizing your truest nature.

G-E-T B-I-G my friends. Or just remember you already are.

All my love,

XO

-Kate

 

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