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Weekly Share

Weekly Share

FOR A MINUTE, THERE, I LOST MYSELF.

‘Lay on your backs.’

A directive I grew to fancy last week.

At Feldenkrais Training.

Amongst a room of 50+ students in the Chelsea district of Manhattan.

Such solace found in the invitation to mutually go inwards.

The shift in the room, palpable.

Each time we laid on our cobalt blue mats, my body LIT up.

I could feel me in a way I haven’t to date.

Was this me I sensed? Or them?

My mind dire to understand the magically sedative tingle teeming every inch.

I’m back in Vermont now and still don’t understand.

The quietude of late summer welcomes the tears I’ve been expecting.

Bringing clarity to the process that began in NYC.

A new level of precision on where I end + you begin.

I’ve been brought in deeper.

To a place that naturally has a more finite boundary.

One that, in this moment, feels devastatingly lonely.

My eyes look up, gripping the trees with longing.

I miss them terribly.

Will I still be able to feel them inside my new periphery?

I can’t yet know.

What I do know is that it’s time.

The adrenaline habit of not feeling myself is halting.

And as my system slows down, so too does the rate at which I’m magnetizing the world’s speed.

The worlds fear.

There’s a vibrational understanding of the whack ass antennae I’ve been.

I’m left wondering, why?

Why do we show up like this?

What’s the purpose of being so responsive, an extreme satellite dish?

Perhaps we magnetize the world so we can know it.

We become experts in fear so we may become experts in its opposite.

But I’m discovering magnetization is no good without knowing oneself as separate.

Devoid of an edge, we loose our ability to choose what we resonate with.

For a minute, there, I lost myself.

(33 years worth of minutes)

Mad homage to you my magnificent tree kingdom, for letting me resonate with you for awhile.

You’re everything to me.  But you’re not me.

And that’s who I’m looking for.

XOXO,

Kate

PS  There’s gold within the Feldenkrais Method.  It gives kinesthetic imprinting to Alduous Huxleys ‘feel lightly, even though your feeling deeply’.  And kinesthetic imprinting is how we learn. 

 

For my Vermont peeps :: http://www.vermontfeldenkrais.com/

For my NYC peeps :: http://www.feldenkraisinstitute.com/

For everyone else :: https://twincitiesfeldenkrais.com/

 

Weekly Share

SEA THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

Will handed this to me.

Maine Sea glass.

He’d been to the beach + back already.

Shortly after, my parents began to stir in the room over.

The day was starting and its movement magnified my resistance to stay put.

On the floor.

In the constructive rest position I’ve been drawn to each morning for months.

Operating on adrenaline is no longer viable.

Neither is letting the space of others define mine.

So I lay until my within says ‘get up’.

Before arriving on this week-long family sojourn, I knew the floor was going to be extra challenging.

I also sensed it critical.

I was coming home so they could witness me, IN ME.

My invisibility had an impending expiration date.

Their presence necessary for the ending.

Taking the sea glass from Wills hand, tears lodged in my throat.

I wanted to share what was happening.

But even I didn’t know quite yet.

So I made my way to the kitchen for breakfast.

Passing a hallway mirror, I stared; startled + mesmerized.

The vividness of my reflection, unmistakable.

Oh my God, I’m coming THROUGH.

It’s happening.

And it hurts like hell.

To recognize how very veiled I’ve been.

But the grief holds something else, something massive.

A rearrangement of my points of connection with the world.

If I don’t need others to define my (in)visibility nor the space I take up (or don’t); what role do others play?

Looking at my parents between bites of eggs-over-medium, I felt awkward + bumbling in how to relate.

I wanted to tell them that I still loved them even though I didn’t need them.

Not in the way I did.

The safety of the space they defined had served its purpose.

But I have forgone my feeling self to maintain it.

And the more my feeling self holds sway, the less I need their definition, any definition.

A natural order is replacing a transient familial one.

Do they feel this grief I wonder?

They must.

Their space is surely changing too.

Ahh frick, my heart.

Gazing at the sea beyond our breakfast table, I recognize her part in all this.

Her truth telling makes the looking glass so clear.

Like the waves in the distance, my rearranging points of connection are still in motion.

But I’m getting flickers into a new way of needing others.

A truer way.

I think it’s for love. I know it’s for love.

And I can’t wait to need them, him, her, you in that way.

XOXO

 

 

Weekly Share

HIERARCHICAL HEART

The empath code is shattering.

I thought it to be a lifetime sentence.

It’s not.

We feelers arrived here with open hearts.

But because Earth is currently ruled by power + order, our hearts have fallen into hierarchy.

Knowing themselves under a false regime.

With a mistaken responsibility.

Our designated job, to love.

OUR JOB IS TO LOVE.

And don’t you know that’s a helluva obligation on a planet ruled by fear.

Our very existence operates under the pretense of being made to feel unsafe so that we love.

As a result our eyes stay exhaustively peeled.

Our ears, painstakingly tuned.

Other-focused to extremes.

It’s deeply subconscious.

What’s conscious is our inability to relax in the context of people.

We may be aware of our digestive problems, chronic fatigue and impeded lungs.

But lurking wayyyy underneath is a sh*t ton of fear.

That we must love away.

Out of duty.

I’m furious.

And simultaneously streaked with liberation.

I refuse to love out of duty.

That’s not love.

It’s the carrying of a cross.

It’s sacrifice.

Yet under the existing planetary reign, this is love.

Now what?

I’m even less sure how to be around people without my hierarchical heart.

Devoid of my false job.

It’s all very new + freakin strange.

Is it enough to stay connected to me?

To my open heart + what beats it?

Is it okay to feel your fear and leave it alone?

To speak these words knowing they will threaten you?

Knowing they will impose death to an order that keeps us safe.

That keeps safe, real.

We must die.

All of us.

Alongside the ideas of power + order + countless ways we rank ourselves.

So we remember how to love.

Weekly Share

ANIMAL INSTINCT

Let’s talk basic needs.

The physical safety + biological survival kind.

IE Food, Shelter, Sleep, Sex + $.

My ability to respond to these needs has been shaky at best, addictive at worst.

I long to return to my animal instinct.

To meet my basic needs in an untethered way.

But alas, I’m tethered.

And I’m not alone in this my sensitive peeps.

We’re tethered to the information coming through our transcendent sensor’s.

To feel physically safe + fit for biological survival requires a shift in how we meet our basic needs.

An incorporation of the information we have at our disposal.

A retrieval of intelligence from the planes we’re connected to – spiritual, emotional, physical + beyond.

Any shakiness/addiction in meeting our basics stem from forgetting our struggles are multi-planed in existence.

I’m here to help you remember :: you have the faculties to uncover the very information that’s keeping you from being on the ground.

As an animal.

Not just any animal, one who remembers its connection to the stars.

Whose instincts are as powerful as its insights.

I’m just starting to know this place.

And I’m convinced meeting our rudimentary needs cannot happen without utilization of the knowledge we’re privy to.

It’s talking to us for a reason.

It wants to be of service.

So we may fully descend here.

And evolve into a new breed of animal.

Boom Shaka and ROAR!  XO -Kate

Weekly Share

OUT OF PECKING ORDER

I rarely talk about physical beauty.

Nor do I choose to partake in the ‘body image’ conversation.

Not because I’m not affected by it.

I deeply am.

Embarrassingly so.

But joining the conversation gives validity to something that feels false.

Even the innocent promotion of ‘body love’ seems contrived.

I’ve rode many-a-wave having to do with my own physique.

And I’m wondering if our fixation with physical beauty isn’t about beauty at all.

What if we’ve adopted this whack-ass hierarchy to give ourselves a sense of place?

Especially those of us whose place isn’t so obvious (eh hem, HSP’s).

We need something to ‘order’ us.

To belong.

That’s surely safer than being out of pecking order.

Valueless through the eyes of society.

To vacate our place + cease the chase for a place…well…

It’s frightening as sh$t.

But it means we get to be BIGGER.

That’s the conversation I want to have.

Beyond beauty or body image.

I want to talk about who we are.

Boundless, malleable humans, capable of becoming anything we can imagine.

Anything we can feel.

If we are going to judge ourselves in accordance with our value to society, let’s at least allow that value to be something valid ::

OUR ABILITY TO FEEL.

Weekly Share

BLACK SHEEP

“We find emotional instability almost universally (1) in nations that are in the process of deep social + economic transformation and (2) in people who dare to deviate from the traditional mode of action of their parents, their class or social group. During childhood, we lose a considerable measure of the faculty of our nervous system for making individual paths and patterns of action, thanks to parental influence on our immediate environment.” -Moshe Feldenkrais

Well America, I guess we all fall into category (1) but I’m honing in on (2)…

Where my black sheep at?

Struggling artists.
Paralyzed musicians.
Addicted empaths.
Striving entrepreneurs.

What if our emotional instability is the result of an ill-fitting nervous system?

What if we aren’t equipped for the level of feeling we’re destined for?

And what if we’re not supposed to be?

Because we’re meant to activate a vaster system of nerves.

One with more capacity.

And dare I say change our DNA.

I believe there’s a way to expand our capacity for feeling without an uproar of emotional instability. There’s a whole bunch of us black sheep learning to kick it’ together. No more harrowing growth process. We gather in a community created by Laura Hames Franklin called ‘Wholly Shift’ on Mondays at 2PM EST.

I’ve got a +1 for this coming week, 7/24. Hit me up if you’re interested!

XOXO -Kate

Weekly Share

WANT//CAN’T

We want to feel it all.

But can’t.

Because early love is often conditional.

So we learn to resist.

Speed through inappropriate feelings.

Our bones, diaphragms + limbs soon reflect our effort.

This is us.

Or is it?

True that we need love.

Also true that this deformed musculature became a viable avenue.

But it’s f’ing exhausting.

The lack of ‘permissible’ feelings fuels an unsustainable frustration.

A nagging fury.

Powering a whirlpool of guilt for wanting what is inaccessible to our distorted figures.

It demands another way.

A literal rewiring of our brain.

An altering of our body-minds.

We must learn to yield to the resistance that once guaranteed us love.

And simultaneously declare unconditionality lies in our feeling it all.

We want to feel it all.

And we can.

We can and we must.

Xoxo -Kate

Weekly Share

POWER-HOUSE RECEIVER

It’s been some *time* since my last weekly share.  Being reflective is a bit too slow for what wants to come through these days.  Finding a balance of being spontaneous + consistent.  Bare with me. In the meantime, exciting news to share. Scope it out below!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I’ve been seeking solitude since forever.

And energetically pulling away from people just as long.

I used to think I needed a quiet physical space to feel myself.

If I could just get that, I could stay there, in me.

And if I practiced staying in me long enough, I wouldn’t have to feel the people around me.

How far from the truth this has proven to be.

I’m always going to feel people.

That’s my (our) disposition.

Evolution gave us intense-as-hell-mirror-neurons for a reason.

Sure, there’s a learning curve of discerning what’s mine + yours that comes with increased differentiation to sensation.

But even that doesn’t matter.

What matters is that we don’t barricade or grab onto the information entering our highly-refined nervous systems.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It’s not until very recently that I stopped seeking seclusion.

And I’m no longer motivated by a false desire to stay in me to avoid feeling you.

I can show up in the world without energetically withdrawing.

Do you know how grateful I am for this?

The pain of retreating is the rawest of the raw.

The feeling of ‘I gota get away’ + ‘get away from me’ makes my heart bleed.

What literally saved my life is Universal Health Principles.

It has restored communication to my body-mind so that mass amounts of information can flow through uninterrupted.

So that I’m not rushing to leave conversations + fretting social get-togethers.

I can now be with my husband, my girlfriends, even the grocery clerk and receive them fully without feeling the need to hold, hide or run away from what my cells are gathering.

People no longer scare the shit-outa-me.

Seriously a miracle.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

As sensitives, we’ve been given the gift of being privy to an ample stream of information.

But if that information is running through broken circuitry – it will hurt.

We will identify with being shy, introverted, overwhelmed, anxious, compulsive + addicted.

Common examples of broken circuitry include compromised guts, excess tension in muscles + bones, auto-immune diseases, disconnection from ground etc.

….with all that said ….

In 2 short weeks, Universal Health Principles opens its doors to the next group of folks who are ready to learn + become certified in this system.

UHP was created for me.  And for you too if you feel it.

You are a mega power-house receiver meant to dance in the world.  To let it fully stream through without any effort to protect.  You were designed to let it inform you. People, places + things alike. It’s ultimately all you. And so it becomes the most beautiful game of self-awareness that increases your love of self + everything.

Are you ready to bring the communication of your body-mind back online?

Scope the details here :: Universal Health Principles Certification Program.

And if you want to experience a UHP session with me, lets set it up. Contact me.

All my love,

Kate

 

Weekly Share

THE SAFEST PLACE

8PM, one night last week.

(I can’t remember which.

The past few have blurred together in a wave-after-wave way.)

Following dinner, I crept downstairs…

…turned on ambient Pandora, lit candles, closed the door + waited.

There was another wave to feel.

So I leaned in.

Will came down thirty minutes later.

He opened the door just a crack.

Enough to see my tears.

Comedically looking around, he demanded ‘who was in here and what did he do!?’

‘Nobody’, I cry-chuckled. ‘I’m just so tired of feeling.’

Wrapping his arms around me he responded, ‘You’re not a tree yet’.

Of course this opened up a floodgate for more tears.

Goodness gracious, I’m a human.

A human who’s learning to breathe under water.

It’s been days since I’ve come up for air.

Days without clarity.

Storylines have trickled in.

But nothing alleviating.

Nothing true in totality.

Only aspects.

Aspects that I’ve wanted to make total so I could be done with feeling.

These time-released emotions are requiring a new kind of endurance.

A fortitude to stay in my body longer.

To sink so far in that I no longer care to seek safety in clarity.

Not just clarity, but all the ways I reflexively seek it.

In my relationship with food…

And the way I pursue health as a shield from illness.

In my relationship with Will…

And the way I lean into him for protection from the world.

Shit.  

Here goes another layer of what my mind believes is safe.

And so completely ironic it is.

To have to descend so far into the human form to know this truth.

That the body IS the safest place to be.

Not because it will never get sick or die but because through the body we can {{ feel }}.

Safety doesn’t exist as a concept here.

It just is.

I just am.

Safe + connected.

But this passage to trusting my body.

And not fearfully taking care of it when in pain or constricted.

And unweaving myself from my many safety nets – family, husband, home.

Well this is the real deal.

Grateful to my lungs for signing me up for underwater swim lessons.

They remembered to make nothing more important than feeling.

And that story I wanted to make total…

Well its’ swelled to entirety.

But the clarity doesn’t so much matter.

Lucidity is able to land without shooting me to the moon.

I’m staying here with the remembrance of why I’m here.

I’m sure I’ll forgot.

But I have these words so I can remember again.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I’m aware that learning to breathe under water is not something we learn from someone else. This is an inside job.

For me consistent vibrational healing, regular Universal Health Principles sessions + a daily commitment to Franklin Method has helped me soften into deep sea swimming.

And so I’m currently trying out a new model that combines these three aspects in a 12-week (3 month) curriculum. It’s called Sensitive Homeschooling and it’s for the folks who are ready to dwell deeper in the body for longer. Those who are willing to let the connections quietly arrive while staying unhurriedly IN.

Inquire here if interested! Details coming to the masses in the next couple days. Yay!

XO, Kate