Weekly Share

THE OTHER HIGH

I opened my eyes to Will and my mom crouching above me.

Expressions of alarm + concern broadcast from their faces.

They were speaking but I could not hear.

Gloria, that catchy song from the 80’s entered my awareness.

It was playing from Will’s iPhone.

‘Glo-ri-a, Glo-ri-a, I think I got your num-ber, Glo-ri-a’.

Suddenly I recognized what happened.

Moments prior I got up to dance and must have fainted.

‘How many fingers am I holding up?’ Will prompted.

‘12’, I joked.

Having fainted once before, the experience doesn’t become less disorienting.

Especially in front of family.

Family you haven’t seen in months.

On their kitchen floor.

Right before dinner.

I insisted they eat the Italian take-out my brother and dad just brought home.

As they stepped over me for silverware + plates, comfort came in ‘carry on as normal’.

Continuing to lie there, a very wide focus took hold.

All-encompassing + simultaneous.

My heart. racing with terror from the fall.

My body, aching from the counter I smacked on the way down.

My mind, muddled, faint and distant.

My spirit, right here.

Mom roamed back and forth between dinner and me.

Her state seemed to transform abruptly.

Moving from concern into another role entirely.

And that’s when I knew.

I knew why this was happening.

And how it had to be witnessed by her.

She coached me how to breathe lower.

That’s her job as a personal trainer.

But also in the roles she’s contracted to play.

Beyond mother/daughter.

As oxygen flooded my solar plexus, tears started to fall.

I could feel the cells in my abdomen shifting, gurgling, altering.

They’d been waiting for this moment.

Another level of dropping.

I wanted to tell her what I knew.

And how grateful I was for her role.

Instead I just looked up.

Her face, more familiar, more brilliant than ever before.

Through my watery gaze, I communicated the many levels of what was occurring.

And I got that was my role.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

This sense of knowing is not just limited to my experience of fainting.

It’s happening more and more.

Appearing to be multi-dimensional in nature.

The ‘all-encompassing + simultaneous’ focus is funneling this knowing through.

And the gratitude that comes alongside is…

…well…it’s a high.

But it’s the other high.

An elevated state involving conscious participation of all of me.

And with it, my old ways of lifting a fractioned sense of self are ending.

Sugar. Caffeine. The occasional drink. Over-thinking. Informationally traipsin’ into others.

They’re all sorta a cheap version for what I really want.

And what I really want is awareness of all of me.

All of the time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

A far-reaching self sentience is the journey.

Especially when our attentiveness incorporates so much that isn’t us/ours.

It takes focus.

To come back to self. Again. And again.

Try it. Upon waking. When you’re in a tea shop. On the phone with a friend. When you’re crossing the road.

Notice your heart. Your body. Your mind. Your spirit.

And now notice all at once.

Get the other high on, my friends.

Until next week,

XOXO

-Kate

PS If you didn’t click through to Gloria, I really think you should.

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