‘Lay on your backs.’
A directive I grew to fancy last week.
At Feldenkrais Training.
Amongst a room of 50+ students in the Chelsea district of Manhattan.
Such solace found in the invitation to mutually go inwards.
The shift in the room, palpable.
Each time we laid on our cobalt blue mats, my body LIT up.
I could feel me in a way I haven’t to date.
Was this me I sensed? Or them?
My mind dire to understand the magically sedative tingle teeming every inch.
I’m back in Vermont now and still don’t understand.
The quietude of late summer welcomes the tears I’ve been expecting.
Bringing clarity to the process that began in NYC.
A new level of precision on where I end + you begin.
I’ve been brought in deeper.
To a place that naturally has a more finite boundary.
One that, in this moment, feels devastatingly lonely.
My eyes look up, gripping the trees with longing.
I miss them terribly.
Will I still be able to feel them inside my new periphery?
I can’t yet know.
What I do know is that it’s time.
The adrenaline habit of not feeling myself is halting.
And as my system slows down, so too does the rate at which I’m magnetizing the world’s speed.
The worlds fear.
There’s a vibrational understanding of the whack ass antennae I’ve been.
I’m left wondering, why?
Why do we show up like this?
What’s the purpose of being so responsive, an extreme satellite dish?
Perhaps we magnetize the world so we can know it.
We become experts in fear so we may become experts in its opposite.
But I’m discovering magnetization is no good without knowing oneself as separate.
Devoid of an edge, we loose our ability to choose what we resonate with.
For a minute, there, I lost myself.
(33 years worth of minutes)
Mad homage to you my magnificent tree kingdom, for letting me resonate with you for awhile.
You’re everything to me. But you’re not me.
And that’s who I’m looking for.
PS There’s gold within the Feldenkrais Method. It gives kinesthetic imprinting to Alduous Huxleys ‘feel lightly, even though your feeling deeply’. And kinesthetic imprinting is how we learn.
For my Vermont peeps :: http://www.vermontfeldenkrais.com/
For my NYC peeps :: http://www.feldenkraisinstitute.com/
For everyone else :: https://twincitiesfeldenkrais.com/